"Don't Run With That... You Could Poke Your Eye Out!"

We have probably all heard or said this at one time or another. But really... could it happen?

Well, yesterday, we approached this unlikely scenario and spent a bit of time with the pediatric ophthalmologist at U of M.

After breakfast yesterday, Jack was doing his normal morning crazy-man exercise routine: running circles through the house, chasing Shergar. I generally use this time to clean up from breakfast, unload the dishwasher, etc., while pausing a few times to slow down Jack & Shergar or to remind Jack to stop teasing Shergar and to just give her the ball that he's using to taunt her.

However, yesterday, after about ten laps or so, I heard Jack's feet stop and then he started screaming. It was one of those cries that tells you something is actually wrong, as opposed to a normal bump or collision. Mick ran down from upstairs, I ran in from the kitchen, and we scooped Jack up trying to figure out what had happened. His eyelid was a bit red as was the side of his cheek so we figured he had run into the Christmas tree while playing "chase." After soothing him for a few minutes, Mick put him down for his nap.

He took a nice, long nap, but when he woke, he seemed very sensitive to light, kept rubbing his eye and crying, and his eye would sporadically start tearing. So, I called my dad. He had me check the basics (is the white part of the eye red, are the pupils the same size, is he tracking things with his eyes the way he should, etc.) and we established that probably what had happened was that he'd scratched the surface of his eye.

I was able to get Jack in to see the pediatric ophthalmologist at the Kellogg Eye Center (about 3 miles from here) and, after a few tests and eye drops that Jack did not appreciate, he established that Jack did indeed have a corneal abrasion. He was able to show this abrasion to me and Mick and it was just a small circle on Jack's eye. This has led us to believe that a pine needle from our lovely tree stabbed Jack in his open eye, causing the pain.

It will heal on its own and there won't be any permanent damage (thank goodness) but we do have to give Jack drops in his eye four times a day (NOT fun... poor guy hates us for doing it) and we have to put ointment in every time he goes for a nap or to bed at night.

As we were sitting with Ed & Yvonne last night once Jack was in bed, I just started laughing about the whole situation. I mean, really, a run-in with a Christmas tree?

Commemorating the Third Anniversary of Landon's Birth

Three years ago this morning, Landon James Klimek was born. He has been on my mind since I awoke this morning. It's hard to believe we all survived the grief that felt as if it were tearing us apart three years ago. When something so devastating happens, it is hard to imagine smiling and laughing again, hard to believe that you can "move on." In fact, it seemed as if it would be disrespectful to continue living life and enjoying ourselves. But the truth is, we all did come through it. And this Christmas, when we were all together and were able to watch Jack, Deagan, and Marcus race through the house together, we all smiled.

In memory of Landon, here is the email I sent out the day after he was born:

Landon James Klimek was born at 6:20 am on December 28, 2006 after only 15 minutes of pushing. Andy had just fallen asleep on the couch in Sarah's room when the doctor came in to check on Sarah (as of 6:00 when we checked on her, she was resting) and said "whoa, it's time to push!". Landon weighed in at 7 lbs, 1 oz and was 16 inches long.

I am so thankful that Landon's birth went the way Andy & Sarah had hoped it would. There was no intervention from the doctors when he was born and even though he struggled to breathe and his heart rate dropped drastically after delivery, Andy & Sarah were able to hold him and comfort him; he was eventually able to figure out the breathing thing on his own and turned a healthy pink color.

Everyone who was waiting at the hospital was able to go in and see Landon around 6:45. We stayed with him until 7:30 am when the doctors from the NICU came to take Landon for an evaluation. We all held him and took pictures with him and stared in awe at his tiny fingers and toes. He coos and cries and gurgles just like any other newborn -- music to my ears.

Landon does have complications, as we knew he would. Aside from his cleft lip & cleft palate (which are quite severe), he has a club foot, a malformed right ear, and some strange blood-filled sac attached to his right thumb; even the doctors haven't seen this before and aren't sure what it is. But these things are cosmetic and are very easy to look past once you've spent a minute with him; then he's just like any other baby that you fall in love with upon first sight.

Sadly though, Landon has other problems that go beyond cosmetic fixes and that will have an impact on his life. He has only 3 chambers in his heart with a big hole in the center & his pulmonary artery and aorta come out of the wrong sides of his heart; he has only one kidney; he has no sacral spine (the bottom part) which leaves a question as to how much mobility & functioning he will have in his lower body; he has no anus so at this point is not able to consume breast milk as his body will not be able to remove waste. In the last 24 hours, Andy & Sarah have seen at least 9 specialists and just keep receiving more and more information which will hopefully help them to make informed decisions about Landon's care. Landon's life may not be as long as we all hope. Yesterday, this thought was devastating to me. Today, I still have a heavy heart and am wondering why life is so unfair, yet I have resolved to give Landon as much love in his short life as we'd ordinarily fit into a lifetime.

I saw so many infants in the NICU yesterday; too many, really. There are so many other families suffering and worrying and wondering the same way we are. As I broke down in the hallway (I was so thankful Mick was there to hold me), a parent came out of the NICU, put her hand on my shoulder, and told me she'd keep Landon in her thoughts and prayers. Then she just walked down the hall. I didn't get her name or ask her what her baby's name was or tell her that I would also keep her family in my thoughts. But that one moment of comfort meant so much to me. People always say that they just want to have a healthy baby, but that sentiment has never meant as much to me as it does now.

This experience has, by far, been the most difficult thing my family and I have ever experienced. While the last two months of uncertainty were terrible for us, I am so grateful that we were able to know ahead of time that there would be challenges ahead as it has allowed us all to make changes to our schedule so that we can be there for Andy & Sarah. My break from employment means I will be able to stay in MI and help for a while, whether that means spending time with Marcus (who for now is staying with us at my parents' house), taking care of Andy's dog, or just being around to listen to and hug Andy & Sarah.

I want to thank all of you from the bottom of my heart for being so kind to me during these last few months and for keeping my family in your thoughts. I ask that you continue to do so as everyone has a long road ahead of them. Please especially keep Marcus in your thoughts as he is very confused right now about why he's not with his mom & dad and why his baby brother, "Yandon", cannot come home.

Wreath that Mick, Jack, and I left at Landon's grave this year

Murphy's Law

For the gal who complained for the last nine years that she missed the snow, this weekend looks as if it will be an ironic reminder to me of Murphy's Law.

As of 7:30 this morning, the Weather Channel is reporting that DC has already seen 6 inches of snow, with snowfall rates expected to increase to 2" - 3" an hour (which is a LOT, even for us seasoned northerners).

To date, Ann Arbor has received about a grand total of 2" of snow.

So, for all of you Washingtonians who smirked when Mick and I announced our move and who said "have fun with all the snow!" I say to you "touché!"

Helping the Economy

It's again been a bit of a whirlwind around here. Last weekend, Mick and I spent four days by ourselves (!!!) in New York City and DC while my parents generously cared for Jack. It was our first trip away since Jack was born 16 months ago. We had a lovely time: I wandered around New York for a day and a half while Mick was in business meetings, we visited with friends in both Manhattan and in DC (though we wish we could have seen more people!), and we attended Mick's company's holiday party. We were a bit lost as to what to do in DC on Sunday as our flight didn't leave until the evening. It seemed so strange to be back and yet not have a home base. We ended up doing what people do when they visit DC: we went to the museum. We actually visited the Smithsonian's National Museum of American History which recently reopened after a 2-year-renovation. Sadly, Mick and I were underwhelmed with the renovation. The museum actually seemed smaller and the exhibits were a bit lackluster.

The best part of the trip, in my opinion, was that I actually read an entire book between Thursday and Sunday! This was a giant accomplishment for me because the last book I read (Three Cups of Tea: One Man's Mission to Promote Peace... One School at a Time -- which I highly recommend to anyone wishing to learn more about the impact of education, particularly for girls, in Pakistan and Afghanistan) I started during our summer vacation in August and just finished last week! It was also great to have meals with Mick where we could actually converse without retrieving food and sippy cups from the floor. Sometimes, we just sat together in silence... and even that was wonderful!

My parents get about a hundred gold stars for taking such absolutely wonderful care of Jack while we were gone. They picked him up on Tuesday and by Thursday by mom knew she had to get him to the doctor because he had developed a deep cough and was wheezing. Of course, I didn't bring his nebulizer to Big Rapids (he hadn't needed it since that awful time in October!) so my mom had to borrow one from the pediatrician in BR. My parents had to do breathing treatments with Jack multiple times a day and they had to cancel their breakfast with Santa outing they had planned to do with Marcus, Deagan and Jack since Jack was contagious. I felt so horrible about that. By Monday, Jack was still wheezing so my mom took him back to the doctor where she found out he had an ear infection and needed additional medication (a steroid) to relax his airways. He's still on the breathing treatment 3 - 4 times/day but it's going much better this time around than it did in October.

Although I felt bad that my parents had a sick kid on their hands, my mom told me it was the best way they could have spent a week. My dad had a rough week at work and, during a time that was very stressful for him, he spent more time laughing and playing with Jack than he did feeling anxious about the office. I never know what to do to repay my parents for all of their help, but I think (and this isn't a cop-out) that having some good Jack therapy is the best thing they could get!

It was good that we were relaxed during our time away because Mick and I returned to Ann Arbor Sunday night to find that our refrigerator died during our time away. That meant that we lost about $150 worth of meat & fish that was in the freezer plus lots of other groceries for which I'm too depressed to estimate the cost. We spent a few evenings this week researching and shopping for a new refrigerator only to find that, because of the configuration of our kitchen, we need a "counter-depth" refrigerator which is a customized feature... costing about $500 more than regular-size fridges. Wonderful. So we bought a smaller refrigerator that costs more than a larger one. Go figure. Thankfully, our fridge will be delivered tomorrow so we can move away from our current system (cooler is the freezer, purple container is the fridge).

We also bought two queen-sized beds on Tuesday night so we have plenty of comfortable room for our parents -- and other friends/family -- who visit. For the last few years we have resorted to sticking our parents in the unfinished, dingy basement when they visited so we are thrilled to be able to give them better living quarters now. The beds were delivered yesterday. Today, we receive our dining room table & chairs.

Between the beds, the fridge, the furniture, etc. I feel that we have done more than our part to help give the economy a kick-start.

Who Doesn't Like Green Eggs and Ham?

Although he was sick today, Mick was able to give me a bit of a reprieve this evening so I could get Jack's dinner made and clean up the kitchen a bit. While cooking, I overheard Mick reading to Jack and laughing. I wandered over and saw a sight so precious that it meant I had to grab the video camera. (My apologies for the poor quality; if I'd arranged the lighting better it might have distracted Jack and ruined the moment.)

What About This Tree?

Yesterday, Kelly and I took Jack to pick out a Christmas tree. Rather than our usual Arlington tradition (stop by the Kiwanis display of pre-cut trees in the CVS parking lot, well after the best ones have gone), we drove out to Urquhart Farms to select our own.

Jack wore his new snowsuit - an all-in-one comforter that protects him from the chill - while I forgot my hat and gloves. It just isnt second nature to me to bring them out. The little lad had a bit of trouble walking, with the extra weight of the suit throwing off his balance.
Still, after about 45 minutes of sizing up trees, we picked out a spruce, chopped it down, and hauled it back to the farm for processing, trussing, and conveyance back to our house courtesy of the Jeep roofrack. It now sits in the garage, awaiting installation and decoration.

Afterwards, Jack, meanwhile, slept for nearly 3 hours. Sans snowsuit, I might add.

Cold

It's currently 11 degrees Fahrenheit (for those of you in every other part of the world that uses the metric system, that's -12 degrees centigrade).

So our general feeling this morning is brrrrrrr (and some other choice words Mick has muttered that I will not repeat here).

iKid

People always say that teenagers are the fastest adopters of new technology; VCRs, DVD players, iPhones. And that the older generation struggles to keep up. Hell, I can't figure out how to change the music on Kelly's iPod.

But Jack can. He wandered back into his bedroom this morning, switched on the iPod, AND CHANGED THE MUSIC (from night-time lullabyes to a more dance-oriented theme - Mary J. Blige, to be precise). Naturally, he started to bob up-and-down in time with the music, and looked rather pleased with himself in the process.

What next? If he starts mashing tunes together to create more upbeat lullabyes, I'll take him to market. Daddy needs some new bling.

Thank Goodness for Lowe's!

Exhausted and desperate this afternoon to figure out what to do to with our little Jack to keep him happy and well-exercised, I decided it was time for a trip to Lowe's (home improvement store). I needed a snow shovel and a few car scrapers (snow is forecast here and, as opposed to the DC-area, that generally means we're going to get some of the white stuff) and I figured it'd be a good opportunity for him to run unencumbered and to get out some energy. Mick and I discovered over the weekend that, when it's too cold to play outside, the best thing to do with Jack is to take him to a big, empty store and to let him loose.

Lowe's was a wonderland of excitement for Jack! First, there were the Christmas decorations, which he was completely enamored by:

a bit blurry, but this is how much of the trip was - he just ran and ran and ran...

this was particularly exciting: they put a glowing decoration low enough for Jack to touch!

the wreaths were pretty, but more exciting were all of the moving inflatable figures on the very top of the shelves; as my dad said: "better than Disneyworld!"

this was especially funny: he grabbed a bag of fake snow fluff while running around and then slung it over his shoulder, Santa-style, while checking out the Christmas cactuses

then there were the funnels... he spent a while here. I actually should have bought these as a great toy for him; I think they were less than $3. Maybe they'll show up under the tree...

and of course, who can resist the shiny John Deere ride-on lawnmowers? Not something we'll need for our lawn here, but there's always Papa's John Deere (which even has a snowplow on the front!)

... and finally, the fire pits. In general, these were pretty thrilling as, again, they were kid-level. But this one particularly held Jack's attention as it also had benches that could be moved around and climbed upon.

We did get some strange looks while we were there (for well over an hour) but I promise that nothing was broken and everything was put back exactly where it belonged. We also bought two shovels, two scrapers, and two sets of lighted garland. So technically we didn't just use Lowe's for its space...

Anyway, thanks Lowe's. We'll be back...

Confessions of an Imperfect Mother

I never thought I'd be a perfect mother. But, given that this is the job I've wanted my whole entire life, I always figured it would come easier to me than to some people or that I'd do a really good job without really having to try.

But over the last few weeks, Jack has really tested me. I find myself constantly wondering what I'm doing wrong, what I could do better, why my mom was so much better at this than I am.

Jack is a wonderful kid. He really is. However, the hallmarks of his personality are his stubbornness (acquired from his father) and his liveliness (acquired, I think, from his Uncle Andy). Given the trade-off between a kid who just sits quietly all the time and a kid who is curious and going non-stop, most of the time I'd take the latter. However, there are days when the idea of a sit-quietly kid is oh-so appealing to me.

Since before our move, Jack has been cutting molars. I think the discomfort that this seems to be causing him is the reason for much of his crabbiness. When he's not climbing the walls (quite literally) he's whining, wanting to be held, or throwing himself on the floor, tantrum style. (I didn't think tantrums started until kids were older... maybe he's an overachiever?) Meal time has become a chore and an exercise in serious patience for me. He has recently taken to writhing out of the high chair, throwing all of his food on the floor, and refusing to eat. The sensible part of me reminds me to follow the thinking that's come quite naturally to me since Jack was born: don't stress the eating thing... the kid is healthy and will eat when he's hungry. But the human part of me cannot help but want to scream when he flings his food at the walls or throws his plate on the floor, even when I'm giving him his favorite food. Much of what he consumes at meal time these days seems to just be fruit. That used to be his dessert; now it's his main course.

And today, while doing a quick run to Trader Joe's, he had a complete and utter meltdown in his stroller. (I cannot shop with him by sitting him in the shopping cart anymore; he immediately struggles to climb out and I don't want to risk a kid with a serious head injury from falling out.) So, I did what I always used to say I'd never do (even though I saw other parents resort to this all the time): I grabbed a container of animal crackers, broke the plastic seal, and gave him a few to keep him quiet while I finished grabbing a few more items. Granted, they were the ORGANIC crackers, but still that did little to quell my sense of disappointment in myself for committing a cardinal sin (in my book) of feeding my son to keep him well-behaved while shopping.

I hate, hate, hate that I've started using food as the ticket to peace and quiet. For about 45 minutes on our drive back to Ann Arbor from my parents' yesterday, I handed mini pretzels back to Jack to keep him happy. I had no one else in the car to help and he refused the Cheerios I initially offered. So I did what worked. Pretzels. I try to comfort myself by saying "at least he's not eating McDonalds and heavily-processed foods... there are worse things than chickpeas and blueberries and clementines and bananas!" but deep down I know that I'm not really doing the right thing. I know I should not use food as a reward or a punishment. I know that contributes to childhood obesity. And I want Jack to be healthy. But sometimes -- oftentimes, lately -- I am just at my wits' end.

I was lamenting to my mom the other day that I think it's foolish that so many books are written on caring for babies. "Babies are EASY," I told her. "It's when the kid gets a mind of his own that the real trouble starts and then you really need guidance!"

Today, while driving around with Jack and Shergar (don't even get me started on Shergar's behavior lately...) while Mick did an important call, I found myself tearing up and wondering why I couldn't be a better mom. This might sound silly to some, but this is my full-time job and I take it incredibly seriously. I am wracking my brain trying to figure out how my mom pulled this off. She always wanted a dozen kids (no kidding!) and I think she was really cut out for it. I cannot remember her ever getting angry or impatient with us when we were little. (Well, except for the one time when she banned us from going trick-or-treating because she thought we lost a gold necklace with a cross pendant on it; she thought we had lost it while playing Mass in the basement. Seriously. How many kids do you know who "play" Mass? I guess that's a Catholic-school upbringing for you. Of course, I was always the priest. Progressive even as a child...)

This morning, I saw a woman in business attire grabbing a few groceries, BY HERSELF, and for a split second I thought "I wonder what it would be like if I had a "real" job? If I didn't have to deal with the crabbiness and whininess day in and day out and I had an office door that I could close and I could actually go to the bathroom without someone standing two feet away and unrolling all of the toilet paper." And then I put Jack back in his car seat and turned on the car and he started bobbing his head to the music and smiling. And my heart melted and I remembered why I am doing the REAL job that I am doing. And why I love it.

But boy is it hard.