Commemorating the Third Anniversary of Landon's Birth

Three years ago this morning, Landon James Klimek was born. He has been on my mind since I awoke this morning. It's hard to believe we all survived the grief that felt as if it were tearing us apart three years ago. When something so devastating happens, it is hard to imagine smiling and laughing again, hard to believe that you can "move on." In fact, it seemed as if it would be disrespectful to continue living life and enjoying ourselves. But the truth is, we all did come through it. And this Christmas, when we were all together and were able to watch Jack, Deagan, and Marcus race through the house together, we all smiled.

In memory of Landon, here is the email I sent out the day after he was born:

Landon James Klimek was born at 6:20 am on December 28, 2006 after only 15 minutes of pushing. Andy had just fallen asleep on the couch in Sarah's room when the doctor came in to check on Sarah (as of 6:00 when we checked on her, she was resting) and said "whoa, it's time to push!". Landon weighed in at 7 lbs, 1 oz and was 16 inches long.

I am so thankful that Landon's birth went the way Andy & Sarah had hoped it would. There was no intervention from the doctors when he was born and even though he struggled to breathe and his heart rate dropped drastically after delivery, Andy & Sarah were able to hold him and comfort him; he was eventually able to figure out the breathing thing on his own and turned a healthy pink color.

Everyone who was waiting at the hospital was able to go in and see Landon around 6:45. We stayed with him until 7:30 am when the doctors from the NICU came to take Landon for an evaluation. We all held him and took pictures with him and stared in awe at his tiny fingers and toes. He coos and cries and gurgles just like any other newborn -- music to my ears.

Landon does have complications, as we knew he would. Aside from his cleft lip & cleft palate (which are quite severe), he has a club foot, a malformed right ear, and some strange blood-filled sac attached to his right thumb; even the doctors haven't seen this before and aren't sure what it is. But these things are cosmetic and are very easy to look past once you've spent a minute with him; then he's just like any other baby that you fall in love with upon first sight.

Sadly though, Landon has other problems that go beyond cosmetic fixes and that will have an impact on his life. He has only 3 chambers in his heart with a big hole in the center & his pulmonary artery and aorta come out of the wrong sides of his heart; he has only one kidney; he has no sacral spine (the bottom part) which leaves a question as to how much mobility & functioning he will have in his lower body; he has no anus so at this point is not able to consume breast milk as his body will not be able to remove waste. In the last 24 hours, Andy & Sarah have seen at least 9 specialists and just keep receiving more and more information which will hopefully help them to make informed decisions about Landon's care. Landon's life may not be as long as we all hope. Yesterday, this thought was devastating to me. Today, I still have a heavy heart and am wondering why life is so unfair, yet I have resolved to give Landon as much love in his short life as we'd ordinarily fit into a lifetime.

I saw so many infants in the NICU yesterday; too many, really. There are so many other families suffering and worrying and wondering the same way we are. As I broke down in the hallway (I was so thankful Mick was there to hold me), a parent came out of the NICU, put her hand on my shoulder, and told me she'd keep Landon in her thoughts and prayers. Then she just walked down the hall. I didn't get her name or ask her what her baby's name was or tell her that I would also keep her family in my thoughts. But that one moment of comfort meant so much to me. People always say that they just want to have a healthy baby, but that sentiment has never meant as much to me as it does now.

This experience has, by far, been the most difficult thing my family and I have ever experienced. While the last two months of uncertainty were terrible for us, I am so grateful that we were able to know ahead of time that there would be challenges ahead as it has allowed us all to make changes to our schedule so that we can be there for Andy & Sarah. My break from employment means I will be able to stay in MI and help for a while, whether that means spending time with Marcus (who for now is staying with us at my parents' house), taking care of Andy's dog, or just being around to listen to and hug Andy & Sarah.

I want to thank all of you from the bottom of my heart for being so kind to me during these last few months and for keeping my family in your thoughts. I ask that you continue to do so as everyone has a long road ahead of them. Please especially keep Marcus in your thoughts as he is very confused right now about why he's not with his mom & dad and why his baby brother, "Yandon", cannot come home.

Wreath that Mick, Jack, and I left at Landon's grave this year